Owning the Story: Vulnerability as the Path to Authenticity

Vulnerability implies a significant degree of trust, at least on the part of one person toward another. The word itself comes from the Latin adjective vulnerābilis, meaning “wounding” or “able to be wounded”.(1) A man* may deliberately choose to act vulnerably, which is to be fully aware that he may be attacked in precisely those areas he has consciously decided not to protect or guard while interacting with others. In this sense, vulnerability is a form of courage: a willingness to be seen, known, and to risk being wounded in the service of others. As Peter van Breda rightly states: “It takes vulnerability and courage to honestly tell your own story”.(2) Or even more so, it involves “owning” one’s story, including mistakes, episodes of shame, regrets, failures, limitations, and so on, without trying to hide or embellish them for others. As Brené Brown points out: “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending”.(3) Owning one’s story through honest and genuine vulnerability, admitting one’s past and present narrative, is a meaningful path toward reclaiming authenticity and rediscovering the true self.

Firstly, vulnerability disarms and diminishes the power of shame by bringing what is hidden into the light. As Brené Brown astutely notes: “Shame thrives in secrecy”.(4) When a person acknowledges their imperfections, neither the devil, who is “the accuser of the believers” (Revelation 12:10), nor anyone else can use those flaws against them. In doing so, they reclaim the power over their own narrative and, as a result, move from fear and shame to freedom and authenticity. The Apostles affirm: “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light” (Ephesians 5:11-13, NIV), and “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9, NIV).

Secondly, vulnerability is relational. It naturally creates rapport, healthy intimacy and deep relational safety between individuals. Being vulnerable may involve experiencing and not hiding from others some deeply human traits such as burnout, sorrow, failure (e.g., admitting mistakes), limitations (e.g., asking for help or acknowledging one’s own need), and even doubt (e.g., during times of crisis or uncertainty).(5) Although some might regard them as signs of weakness, for a man of God, they are the signs or marks that, at the core, people are all human, finite, dependent, and in need of God’s grace. As a result, healthy vulnerability initiates closeness and empathy among trusted people.

So, vulnerability builds relational trust. A phrase that has gained wide circulation on social networks in recent years, and seems to accurately reflect one of today’s values, is: “People don’t need you to be perfect. They want you to be real.”(6) When people see that their leaders face similar struggles yet continue to serve God faithfully, it creates a sense of shared humanity and spiritual integrity. This openness fosters a safe environment where others feel more comfortable bringing their own burdens, seeking understanding, and receiving support and prayer.

Thirdly, being vulnerable and acknowledging one’s own limitations may also open oneself to the work of the Holy Spirit. As Scripture affirms: “My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9), and: “Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit” (Zechariah 4:6). In this way, vulnerability may not only be relationally wise but also spiritually empowering service.

Fourthly, in acknowledging one’s limitations and saying: “I don’t know,” “I can’t,” or “I’m not okay,” he not only stands against pretence, but also recognizes his humanity and strives without collapsing into worthlessness. He knows that his worthiness is not defined by his status, origins, or achievements, but by the love of God. He is sure that God loved him so much that “he gave his one and only Son” (John 3:16, also Deut. 33:27a, also Genesis 1:27, Romans 5:8).

Some may infer that the foundation of one’s security in vulnerability lies in their "relationship with Jesus".(7) It is difficult to disagree: in order to open up and reveal something deeply personal, a person must feel at least somewhat safe. One must possess a sense of inherent worth, independent of how others may respond to such self-disclosure. It resonates with the words of Sinclair Ferguson, who wisely noted, “My security as a Christian does not reside in the strength of my faith but in the indestructibility of my Savior.”(8) However, vulnerability by definition entails risk — a willingness to be exposed, misunderstood, or even rejected — and, thus, inherently implies its opposite: "insecurity". That is why, perhaps, such a conceptual compromise better explains the paradox: in God, we are secure in our insecurities. This understanding may allow one to remain confident and whole, even as he chooses to be open and vulnerable.

Fifthly, there is another essential quality of vulnerability which is highlighted by Dr. Gabor Maté, who states: “vulnerability itself is absolutely essential for growth”.(9) He continues to assert that all people are vulnerable throughout their entire lives, and that by recognizing this and letting go of defences such as the need to “be right,” one may become open to real change and growth. This appears to be precisely what Jesus meant when He said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3, NIV). As a result, vulnerability enables individuals to openly seek meaningful solutions and receive constructive feedback or guidance from others.

Finally, one more point from my son Nikita, who shared with me an insightful observation on the topic today. He said that people often choose to be vulnerable and honest about their past because they have a deep intrinsic need to free from an internal burden. It is not about sharing for others, it is a way to lighten their own emotional load. When someone speaks about something that has troubled them for years, it can bring a sense of relief and inner freedom.(10) In this way, vulnerability can act similarly to that of confession, helping them process the past and move forward with greater peace. It also reflects the essence of what James said: “Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16, ESV).

“Jesus wept” (John 11:35) is indeed one of the most profound illustrations of vulnerability in the New Testament. What one may find particularly interesting in this episode is that Jesus, being fully divine and fully human, chose not to avoid, hide or suppress grief. He felt it and expressed it publicly. He was present with those people. He wept even though he knew resurrection was about to happen. Jesus experienced emotional pain with those he loved, what Paul later expressed as: “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). What’s more, as Camaron G. W. Smith rightly points out: “John 11:35 doesn’t just permit humans to grieve; it also shows us who God is... God who steps into our darkest moments. Yahweh weeps when we weep and feels just as burdened with the brokenness as we are.”(11) In other words, no matter how painful or overwhelming the circumstances may be, God’s people are never alone, they are accompanied by their Creator. As Jesus encouragingly once said: "I am with you always, even unto the end of the world" (Matthew 28:20).

Yet, choosing to be vulnerable does not mean that they want to be provoked or wounded. Healthy vulnerability requires a certain degree of discernment and wisdom. As Jesus once said: “do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6, NIV). Such a degree of trust ought to be appreciated, treasured or even earned. Not to mention that it should be mutual. Disclosing too much to people one does not know can unintentionally result in a re-traumatizing experience. I recall seeing a Facebook post a few years ago from one of my former theology students, in which he shared a deeply personal account of sexual abuse. It appeared to follow a broader trend of publicly disclosing traumatic experiences. Knowing him as a sensitive and somewhat naïve individual, I felt concerned. If he had already found healing, perhaps it was an act of courage to address a certain problem in society. However, if not, I worried that such exposure could have led to some people expressing inappropriate comments.

To conclude, vulnerability is a deliberate and courageous choice to be seen with all one’s flaws and limitations, and yet trusting that such openness can lead to trust, healing, authenticity, and relational depth. Rooted in both Scripture and human experience, it creates space for grace, reduces shame, and allows the Spirit to transform weakness into strength.

References:

1. Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. “vulnerable,” accessed July 2, 2025, https://www.oed.com/dictionary/vulnerable_adj?tab=factsheet#15169094.
2. van Breda, Peter, “The Posture of a Servant Leader”, DCL 723: Servant Leadership, Populi, Lecture script, p. 7; accessed 2025-06-29.
3. Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning, the Rumble, the Revolution (New York: Random House, 2017), 45.
4. Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (New York: Random House, 2021), 82.
5. "Fearless Vulnerability in Relationship – The Example of Paul," St. Francis Institute for Spirituality, last modified August 15, 2019, https://stfi.org/articles/fearless-vulnerability-in-relationship-the-example-of-paul/.
6. Unattributed quote, widely circulated on social media, accessed July 2, 2025.
7. Keith Jackson, response to “Explore the importance of being: 1. vulnerable, 2. authentic and 3. an empathic listener in the life of a servant leader, identifying how each characteristic can be manifested?,” DCL 723: Servant Leadership, The New International University, MDIN program, accessed 2025-07-4.
8. Sinclair B. Ferguson, “How Long Will It Last?,” May 8, 2004, Ligonier Ministries, cited quote beginning “My security as a Christian…,” accessed 2025-07-04.
9. Dr. Gabor Maté, in conversation with Jay Shetty, “The Root Cause of Trauma & Why You Feel Lost in Life,” YouTube video, 1:30:10–1:30:35, October 24, 2022, quoting, “Vulnerability itself is absolutely essential for growth,” https://youtu.be/OTQJmkXC2EI.
10. Informal discussion with Nikita Achkasov, July 3, 2025, Voitsberg, Austria.
11. Camaron G. W. Smith, “Jesus Wept: A Short Theological Reflection on Grief,” Scribbling Theology, May 31, 2022, https://scribblingtheology.blog/2022/05/31/jesus-wept-a-short-theological-reflection-on-grief/.

*For stylistic clarity and ease, masculine pronouns are used in this reflection, as the primary intended audience is male. However, the insights offered are relevant and applicable to all readers regardless of gender.